Joe Biden: Official Obama Babysitter, Prolific Do-It-Yourselfer

Democratic VP Nominee Joe Biden Promises to "Babysit" Obama
Joe Biden Promises to Babysit Obama

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For those of us who have been wondering why on earth Barack Obama choose Washington’s most prolific Gaffe-o-matic, Senator Joe Biden, as his running mate, we now have the answer. And good ole’ Joe gave it to us himself in last night’s debate:

“But Barack Obama indicated to me he wanted me with him to help him govern. So every major decision he’ll be making, I’ll be sitting in the room to give my best advice.”

Hello!? To me, the most damning comment he made all night (and yes, that’s saying something considering the many lies he told) and wonder of wonders….nary a soul in the media seems to have picked up on it, at least not that I’ve seen yet. Maybe he doesn’t need to be in the room for just the major decisions….maybe the minor ones, too. There might be an upside to this. Perhaps his constant gaffe-spewing and fact-twisting will so befuddle Obama, he’ll be too confused sorting it all out to implement as many of his scary poh-luh-sees. Wishful thinking, unfortunately.

Besides confirming for many of us what we already knew, which is Barack Obama is so inexperienced (not to mention scary) to be president that he needs a babysitter, Sen. Biden also unveiled a side of himself of which we were heretofore unaware: he spends a lot of time at….drum roll please….Home Depot.

Ok, so let’s picture it: you’re in the plumbing department trying to figure out which part you need to buy to stop your toilet from running incessantly and you’re thinking, “Do I need that gasket-thingy or should I buy the whole toilet repair kit?” As these things often go, you now realize you’re toilet seems to have been one of those that was manufactured in Bangladesh for six months but then discontinued so the parts don’t seem to be available. Looks like you’re going to have to replace all the guts inside the tank…wonderful. Suddenly, you’re startled out of your reverie over this grim prospect when along comes Senator Joe Biden, whose just strolling down the aisles looking for….looking for….uh, uh…replacement batteries (rechargeable, of course) for his Ipod which he listens to on his daily commute from Wilmington to D.C. on the train, (I mean, Amtrak, at $125 one-way). Although Joe Biden is, of course, someone who would spend loads of time at Home Depot, he’s somehow gotten himself lost. Recognizing him instantly (because you have followed his stellar political career ardently) you present yourself to him and begin to earnestly discuss the economic issues of the day. Yeah, right….

The key to dispelling this whole phony lie of an invitation to “….walk into Home Depot with me where I spend a lot of time…” is that Home Depot is a do-it-yourself store. Key words: “do it yourself”. As in self-reliance. And if you choose not to do-it-yourself it’s a bit spendy to pay for the recently added option of having Home Depot do it for you. The vast majority of items there are keyed toward home improvement projects, decorating, etc., my little illustration of an encounter with frequent shopper Biden notwithstanding. I would surmise that most of the people who shop at Home Depot don’t buy their toilet parts and batteries there unless they’ve already been shopping there for the home décor and improvement stuff. You know, the fluff and extras people do when they have extra money. Just how many whiny people looking for a government hand-out actually shop there? People who actually have money to spend. I do have a goofy question: Is it possible that businesses are now paying for product placement during political debates? If so, Home Depot owes Mr. Biden about $1 million. With 70 million viewers, ad rates should have been almost as much as the Super Bowl. Anyway…

While there were others who noticed the selection of a supposedly “middle-class” buzzword like Home Depot from a list of such words by the Obama V.P. debate prep team, I haven’t heard anyone comment on how devastated good ‘ole Joe would be if Messiah Obama were to meet an untimely end after his coronation, I mean, inauguration as President:

God forbid that would ever happen, it would be a national tragedy of historic proportions if it were to happen.”

This one takes the prize as creepiest comment of the night. Does anyone else’s skin just start crawling when purportedly intelligent people turn into venerating droolers? If nothing else, I’ve learned through this election that there are far more dangerous things than, gulp, devout Christians. Seriously, there is even something more dangerous than the recent rise of the pseudo-religion that is earth-worshipping global warming fanaticism. It’s the idol worship of a man that has become so prevalent it just falls right off the lips of said idol’s running mate with far too little notice.

Just a flawed human being, doing what I can for liberty