Tag Archives: senate

wantedposterof-stovefrig

WANTED: Your "Polluting" Appliances, BOUNTIES Payable By the Secretary of Energy

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wantedposterof-stovefrig

I didn’t know the Secretary of Energy was like Dog the Bounty Hunter or Sheriff Sam in Dodge City, but among the many, many, many, many (multiply that times about 1,000) powers granted to the Secretary, he will have the ability to hunt down horrible scoundrels and put them out of their misery.

According to the most recent version of H.R. 2454 aka Cap & Trade, the Secretary of Energy will be paying bounties. Yes. Bounties. Seriously.

The criminals needing hunted down? Your old Maytag fridge, Norge basement deep freeze, and Hot Point clothes dryer.

The final version passed by the House contained the following language in Section 214:

Sec. 214:

(1) IN GENERAL- The Secretary of Energy shall make bounty payments to–

(A) retailers for the replacement, retirement, and recycling of older operating low-efficiency products that might otherwise continue in operation; and

(B) manufacturers of Superefficient Best-in-Class Products for the retirement and recycling of older operating low-efficiency products that perform the same function and which might otherwise continue in operation.

(2) BOUNTIES- Bounties shall be payable–

(A) to a retailer upon documentation that the sale of a Best-in-Class Product was accompanied by the replacement, retirement, and recycling of–

(i) an inefficient but still-functioning product; or

(ii) a nonfunctioning product containing a refrigerant, by the consumer to whom the Best-in-Class Product was sold; and

(B) to a manufacturer upon documentation of the retirement and recycling of–

(i) an inefficient but still-functioning product from a consumer to whom a Superefficient Best-in-Class Product was delivered; or

(ii) a nonfunctioning product containing a refrigerant from a consumer to whom a Superefficient Best-in-Class Product was delivered.

(3) AMOUNT-

(A) FUNCTIONING PRODUCTS- The bounty payment payable under this subsection for a product described in paragraphs (2)(A)(i) and (2)(B)(i) shall be based on the difference between the estimated energy use of the product replaced and the energy use of an average new product in the product class, over the estimated remaining lifetime of the product that was replaced.

(B) NONFUNCTIONING PRODUCTS CONTAINING REFRIGERANTS- The bounty payment payable under this subsection for a product described in paragraphs (2)(A)(ii) and (2)(B)(ii) shall be in the amount that the Secretary of Energy, in consultation with the Administrator, determines is sufficient to promote the recycling of such products, up to the amount of bounty for a comparable product described in paragraphs (2)(A) and (2)(B).

(4) RETIREMENT- The Secretary shall ensure that no product for which a bounty is paid under this subsection is returned to active service, but that it is instead destroyed, and recycled to the extent feasible.”

                        senate-bailout

                        Chris Dodd: “I’d like to thank the Academy…”

                        Senate Majority Leader / Master of Ceremonies Reid, Award Recipient Sen. Dodd, and Sen. McConnell
                        Senate Majority Leader / Master of Ceremonies Reid, Award Recipient Sen. Dodd, and Sen. McConnell

                        Washington, D.C. – Post Senate Bailout Vote Award Ceremony

                        From the halls of the United States Senate:

                        In a self-congratulatory ceremony Wednesday evening, after the Senate passed the bailout bill, Master of Ceremonies, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, presented the much-coveted award for Best Performance as the Senate’s Most Shameless Grifter, to Senator Christopher Dodd of Connecticut. Prior to turning over the microphone to Sen. Dodd for his acceptance speech, Sen. Reid, for the umpteenth time in the last two weeks, heaped praises on his esteemed colleague, noting how important his leadership in the Senate has been over the years, and particularly in passing the bailout bill.

                        Award winner Dodd proudly stepped in front of the microphone, saying the bill’s passage was due to “the tone of the Senate leadership”. Dodd, not to be outdone by Leader Reid, made sure he heaped loads of praise on Reid’s leadership, which included pointing out how Reid had made the so very gracious invitation to Senators McConnell and Gregg to work on the bill. Dodd explained that “this moment wouldn’t have come” without all of this great leadership. “I’d be remiss as well if I didn’t thank other people who were critically important in this….” Our coverage ends abruptly at this point as the on-the-scene pool cameraman from whom we received our footage was suddenly struck by a mysterious wave of nausea and didn’t finishing cleaning off his shoes before Dodd stepped away from the microphone….

                        Following the ceremony, a reporter questioned the president of The Academy for Corruption in Government, on the likely reason for Sen. Dodd having been chosen for the award over Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, who was widely believed to have been a shoo-in. Stevens was recently indicted by the U.S. Justice Department and is currently standing trial for not properly reporting thousands of dollars of home improvement work from a contractor.

                        “The reason Sen. Dodd was chosen over Sen. Stevens, is simple: Sen. Stevens was disqualified. Once he was being held accountable for his actions, he was no longer eligible for the award. In order to meet the criteria of ‘Shameless’, you can’t be held accountable and you have to appear before the press, make speeches on the Senate floor, and play, or at least create the appearance of playing, a central role in creating legislation that is somehow related to the problem caused by the original graft. Besides, while Stevens is definitely a grifter, his actions are small potatoes compared to Dodd’s. Dodd not only received preferential treatment for mortgages from failed Countrywide, but he’s ground zero in the biggest financial collapse in the history of the country. Once we found out he was the number one recipient of campaign contributions from Fannie Mae, he was the front runner,” explained the Academy president.

                        The Award ceremony following the House of Representatives vote on the same bill is expected to receive little attention as Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts is expected to win in a landslide. “Of course the envelope is sealed,” grinned the Academy president, “But, the outcome isn’t likely to surprise anyone. Who can think of anyone whose further up to their neck than Barney Frank in the collapse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac that led to the financial meltdown? And who has anyone ever known that is more shameless, except former Pres. Clinton, and since he’s not in the running, Frank’s clearly the odds-on favorite.”

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